The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
