just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
