4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
