whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
