People in love make me want to vomit
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I need to align my fucking chakras
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
