Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
