1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
