I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
