my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
