In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I deserve this hangover.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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