I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
