they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
