I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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