you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
