do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
