Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I will pee on everything he values.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
