how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
