When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
