stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
