After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
