Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
