Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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