he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
