I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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