After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
