I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
