the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
