I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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