So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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