Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
