so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
