her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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