margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i permit you to call me
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
