As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
