Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
