People in love make me want to vomit
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
