Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
