does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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