dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
