A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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