Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
