Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
