quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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