I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
