Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
