I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Randomize
