There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
