Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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