i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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