I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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